Clover

*******

by nekojita

*******

Hakkai felt sadness grow as he sat and watched Gojyo eye the woman with dyed blonde hair and too small of a dress over at the bar. Humid, hot air caught in his throat, unwilling or unable to move into his lungs, and he just smiled as his chest grew tight. After a moment or two he could breathe again.

Gojyo still stared at the woman, a hungry, pinched look on his face. Hakkai recognized it and put that together with the nightmares his lover had suffered the last week or two, the quiet spells Gojyo would fall into even in the midst of a fight with Goku or Sanzo – all of these were unmistakable signs that he suffered from a need Hakkai could never assuage. So he resigned himself to a painful night alone. The woman would mean nothing to Gojyo. She’d just be some female he’d do his best to make laugh and hold him close and want him, someone to placate his twisted Oedipal complex. That’s what Hakkai considered it, at least, the psychological term a weak distraction from the fact that his lover needed to fuck a stranger.

Their table was quiet for once: Gojyo lost in his observation, Goku busy eating everything in sight since no one fought him for the food and Sanzo taking turns between swigs of beer and drags on his cigarette. Not feeling hungry, Hakkai pushed his bowl of rice away as he slid his chopsticks back into their paper wrapper. "Maa, with all this heat I don’t feel like eating very much."

"You’re not going to finish that?" Goku asked as he dragged the half-filled bowl toward himself.

"No, I believe I’m finished for the night." Hakkai smiled at the boy and his amazing appetite, the expression not as forced as it had been throughout the meal.

Gojyo finally shook himself out of his lust-filled daze. "What? You done eating, Hakkai?"

"Yes." Rising from the table, Hakkai reached out and touched his lover’s shoulder. "I think I’ll spend the night catching up on my reading. I’ll see you in the morning." He squeezed Gojyo’s shoulder, enjoying the feel of warm flesh and on having the man’s attention focused on him, even if it was just for a few seconds. "Be careful," he continued in a quiet voice, the flash of hurt and appreciation he saw in Gojyo’s unusual eyes told him that his lover understood that it was all right.

Goku wished him a ‘good night’ as Gojyo quickly finished his beer, but all Sanzo did was stare at him as he walked away. He could feel the priest’s gaze all the way across the dining room and up the first flight of stairs. He hoped that Sanzo remained downstairs for a few more hours and allowed him some peace in the room they were to share tonight. The last thing he needed right now was to hear a description of Gojyo’s seduction of the woman at the bar or a long list of his lover’s failings. As difficult as it was to share a room with Sanzo at times, having to listen to his friend rant about Gojyo would just be too much even for Hakkai to patiently smile away. Wasn’t it hard enough that he was stepping out of the way so Gojyo could regain that bit of self-worth he could only find from a woman? Did Sanzo have to hurt him as well?

Reaching the top floor, he walked down the narrow hallway to the room they’d rented for the night. Sanzo had agreed to sleep up here to get away from the other guests – and hopefully to discourage Gojyo and Goku from stopping by all night and bothering them with their endless complaints over having to share a room together. That wouldn’t be much of a problem after all, as Goku would probably have the room to himself tonight.

Hakkai pressed his right hand over his stomach as he entered the small room. He wanted this night to be over with, wanted to be back on the road already with Sanzo beside him and Gojyo and Goku’s bickering preventing him from thinking any serious thoughts. Crossing the little bit of space left between the two beds, he looked out of the window. The sky appeared darker than it should be for this time of evening, heralding what would no doubt be some rain. Considering how humid it had been the last couple of days, he wasn’t that surprised by the turn in the weather. However, this was the last thing he needed tonight. Not when he was without his lover to distract him, not when he’d spend the night in a small room with Sanzo as they both lost themselves in the past. He didn’t need another reminder of how useless he could be to the two people he cared for the most.

After petting Hakuryuu who was curled up on his bed, he gathered together his supplies and went to the communal bathroom. All he managed was a good scrub-down and a quick soak, but the sweat and dirt from the last few days of traveling were gone and he hadn’t much time to think about anything during the process. Clean once more, he returned to his room.

He wasn’t too surprised to find Sanzo there, sitting on one of the beds as he smoked a cigarette. His companion had probably retreated up here upon first sign of the coming storm. Hopefully Sanzo would drink all of the six-pack of beer beside him on the bed and fall asleep so his suffering wasn’t added to Hakkai’s as well. Stowing away his bathing supplies and draping the towel on the corner of his bed’s headboard to dry, Hakkai picked up his book and turned up one of the room’s glass lanterns before curling up in the now opened window. Even though it had started to rain - the wind blowing a few drops of water into the room - he needed the space and the clean air. He’d stay here, out of Sanzo’s way, and pretend to read until the storm drove him from the window.

Book open to the last page he’d read, he tried to hold back the dark thoughts shifting through his mind, straining against the bonds he imposed on them during any time it wasn’t raining. Loss and pain began to rise in his heart and the scar across his stomach burned much the way it had in the first few weeks of its healing. The wind blew water onto him, raindrops splattering on his book and clean clothes, running down his cheek like tears. He traced one of them with his fingertip and wondered when was the last time he’d been able to cry. He tried to recall if he’d ever really cried since becoming ‘Hakkai’. Gonou hadn’t done it very often as he was inured to pain and suffering from years spent as a lonely orphan. But Hakkai seemed to leave it to the heavens to do his crying.

He laughed softly at the melodramatic turn of his thoughts and buried his face in his hand. The memories and feelings he tried so hard to hold back, broke free and he didn’t have the strength right now to fend them off. Not when he was practically abandoned to face the rain on his own, no lover or friend to distract him from the falling tears and painful past.

*******

Sanzo cursed at a crack of thunder that was as loud as a gunshot. Sprawled out on his bed, back resting against the rickety headboard, he smoked his cigarette and stared covertly at Hakkai. His companion remained in the windowsill even though half of him was now wet from the falling rain. Much longer and he was going to ruin the book he was pretending to read, the one that he hadn’t touched in the past ten minutes. Part of Sanzo didn’t understand why Hakkai bothered with the pretense while the other part of him knew that sometimes you did whatever it took if it helped you block out the storm.

Reaching for another can of the beer he’d brought upstairs, he closed his eyes as he chugged it down, nose wrinkling slightly as he grimaced over the awful taste. As bad as it was, it helped to serve its purpose. The sooner he became numb through alcohol, the better. He didn’t want to think about painful memories or try to make sense out of confusing, unsettling emotions he had no idea how to express or stop. Those memories and emotions became stronger with the presence of both the building storm and his roommate. So much for a nice, peaceful night where he could do his best to ignore Hakkai and pretend that at least those treacherous feelings didn’t exist instead of sitting here with his thoughts circling on two men. Try as he might though, he couldn’t stop thinking of them. More alcohol was needed. His eyes barely opened as he tossed the empty can aside and reached for a new one. He made short work of it as more thunder roared and boomed outside, the strikes so numerous that it sounded like an energetic child beating on a drum while in a small room. If, as the legends told, the weather reflected the mood of the gods they were furious tonight, their rage refusing to abate.

Hearing a noise that had nothing to do with the rain, he finished the beer and glanced at Hakkai. He found the other man hunched over, book falling to the floor as he cradled his head between his hands. With his face hidden and the rain drowning out the soft sounds he made, Sanzo couldn’t tell if Hakkai was crying or laughing.

Disturbed by the unusual show of true emotion from the man, he tossed the empty beer can aside, the clattering sound making Hakkai look up. "Oi, don’t go falling out of the window. I’ll still make you drive in the morning," he muttered, unsure what to say now that he had Hakkai’s attention so he fell back into familiar gruffness. Hakuryuu hissed at him, either for the noise or the threat, but Hakkai remained in the window and didn’t say a word.

Exasperation broke through the rain-induced emotions plaguing Sanzo. He left the bed to go over to Hakkai and, after receiving no response, gave his shoulder a forceful shake. "Did you hear me?" he asked, voice rough and raspy. As much as he hated touching other people, his hand remained on Hakkai when he stopped. He almost never had the chance to touch the man and tried to ignore how it felt so good to do so now.

Hakkai tilted his head back, a bitter smile twisting his lips and sorrow burning in his eyes. "I’m sorry."

Fake smiles and apologies, what else did he expect from Hakkai? Annoyed to be dealing, yet again, with the idiot’s masks, Sanzo pulled his companion from the window before he fell outside. "Sorry? Don’t give me that shit." His emotions already raw because of the storm, Hakkai’s attitude made him harsher than he meant to be. "Don’t you dare sit there and have a pity party for yourself just because Gojyo’s…." He stopped himself just in time, anger and beer making his tongue looser than it should be. Reminding Hakkai what his lover was doing downstairs wasn’t the best of ideas right now, even though a part of him goaded him to mention Gojyo’s… infidelity.

That part fell silent when a flash of lightning illuminated Hakkai’s face as he leaned against the wall, half of it thrown into shadow from the brown strands falling onto it. The rest appeared more fragile than usual in the bright light, a trait that was at odds with how strong Hakkai really was. Then the light faded, leaving his face with its usual stark beauty, now bearing a fresh stamp of misery.

"I don’t know what else to say, Sanzo, other than I am sorry. I did not mean to worry or annoy you." Hakkai’s voice was faint yet firm, his mask once more in place as he hid the pain and smiled politely.

Sanzo’s hands tightened on his companion’s shoulders, one soaking wet from Hakkai practically sitting in the damned rain. A memory flashed through his mind of him touching Koumyou’s blood-soaked robes so he could roll his master over to see his face, see his open, blind eyes staring back at him. He pinned Hakkai against the wall to break the memory, to remind himself that the person he touched now was alive and warm and could respond with a muffled gasp to his actions, not just lay there cold and unmoving. The rain and all the beer conspired against him, mixed past and present together until he was completely muddled. Even during the best of times it was possible to mix Hakkai with Koumyou since the two of them shared similar traits – even if some were just skin deep.

Maybe that was why he stood here scant inches from Hakkai, stood here touching him and leaning so close he could feel the man’s breath on his face. Why he had these odd yearnings for Hakkai that frustrated and confused him, that made him angry and almost frightened to realize that yet another damned person had slipped past his shields – and this one was much, much more dangerous than Goku who merely wanted to be near him, to be acknowledged by him. No, as confused as he was he realized that things with Hakkai would never be as simple as that. Hakkai could force him to feel emotions he thought were sealed away years ago, emotions that he was feeling right now.

"You didn’t worry me," he snapped as he tried to force sense into his muddled mind and the traitorous emotions to fade away. "You annoy me, that’s all."

"So you say." Hakkai gave him a bright, false smile and lifted his hands as if to rest them on Sanzo’s but merely curled them against his chest instead. "I apologize for my mood tonight. If you like, I’ll go spend the night with Goku." Hakkai’s smile turned brittle once again in a flash that was almost as short as a burst of lightning.

"Like hell you will," Sanzo hissed as he tried to make his hands let go. They were as treacherous as his feelings and that made the anger directed toward himself burn even brighter. He needed to stop this now, needed to walk away from Hakkai and ignore him for the rest of the night before he lost whatever control he still had. But his body refused to obey.

Angered by that betrayal, he acted instinctively and lashed out at the person nearest him, the person who made him a traitor to himself. "With my luck Gojyo will get shot down and come crawling up here looking for an empty bed and complaining about the women who wouldn’t put out for him. I’ll shoot the bastard if that happens." There was a little satisfaction, however low, in reminding Hakkai of what his lover was doing. In reminding Hakkai about the type of lover he’d chosen, even as he suffered an echo of the pain his companion felt at hearing the harsh truth. Hakkai had chosen Gojyo, after all - someone who didn’t deserve him. As if Sanzo deserved Hakkai either, but right now he couldn’t deny the jealousy burning through him.

His hand shaking slightly, Hakkai readjusted his rain-splattered monocle. "I highly doubt that Gojyo will be looking for an empty bed tonight."

He tightened his grip on Hakkai’s shoulders, startling a small, quickly smothered sound from him. "How can you stand it?" Sanzo demanded to know. Behind him, he heard the sound of wings unfurling and striking the air but a quick shake of Hakkai’s head and a murmured ‘Hakuryuu, no’ made the sound stop. There was a faint stench of brimstone, probably a warning to him over how he was treating Hakkai but he didn’t care right now, not when the rain was pounding down from the heavens and his blood boiled with anger and… and jealousy of all things… and….

This time he didn’t abuse Hakkai again but pressed against him, faces close together. Each breath he inhaled, scented with rain and clean clothes and Hakkai, made him feel slightly dizzy. The man was a welcome distraction from the memories that tormented him on nights like this, was a teasing enigma. "He left you alone so he could go off and fuck some woman." He hated being teased, hated to have one of the very few things he wanted be just out of his reach. That made all the suffering unbearable, knowing that the agony was in vain.

Hakkai’s smile slipped a little, his expression became stony before he recovered his mask. "I don’t see how this concerns you, Sanzo. All that matters is that we’re ready to drive west in the morning."

That was the straightest answer he’d heard from Hakkai in days. "You’re damn right that’s all that matters to me," he bluffed gruffly to hide his true emotions, preferring the pain to being made a fool. "I won’t have things fucked up because you’re mooning… over a cheating half-breed." As angry and confused as he felt, he knew well enough to skirt the past when dealing with someone who’d suffered much the same as he had. Another bind tying them together – maybe the only thing, really - a bind he should have railed at and done his best to sever but somehow he never acted like he should when he was around Hakkai. The man was a danger to him but he couldn’t force himself to retreat, even if he was too… apprehensive to move forward.

"We understand that," Hakkai answered, his voice smooth – a stark contrast to the wildness in his eyes as lightning crackled all around them, thunder almost drowning out their words. "Our relationship won’t affect this… mission."

This answer should have satisfied him, should have made him leave Hakkai alone and go back to his bed to smoke and finish off the beer before pretending to sleep. But he was never satisfied where Hakkai was concerned, especially not now when he was so close to him. Ignoring Hakkai never got him anywhere, he’d learned, never did anything to stop the dangerous emotions and longings. "Why do you allow it, then?" he found himself asking, desperate for some way to understand his smiling companion. To try and pin him down and get a straight, negative answer from him that would drive the point home that what Sanzo wanted was never going to happen. Which would be a good thing, because wanting things had never done anything but cause him pain.

Hakkai seemed to fold in on himself the slightest bit, even though he was still pinned to the wall. Sweet breath washed over Sanzo’s face as Hakkai sighed. "Because he needs something that I can’t give him."

All he did was grunt in anger at this revelation. The stupid fool was once again putting others in front of himself - putting Gojyo’s needs in front of his own. Sanzo felt sickened by the truth. Only fools believed that compassion and meekness were the keys to heaven – not that Hakkai was truly either. No, instead of a hair shirt, flagellation or prolonged fasting, he had his own unique way to punish himself for his ‘sins’.

"What good does it do you?" Sanzo’s right hand shifted from Hakkai’s shoulder to his chin to force him to look up. "Why should you suffer instead of him? What makes your pain less valuable – or do you get off on holding this against him afterwards?" The last was cruel but not beyond Hakkai, who did take some sort of perverse delight in needling them. Who had tormented him, deliberately or not, these last few months.

Outside the storm raged, forcing them to raise their voices to be heard. The lanterns flickered as the wind fluttered their flames, threatening to extinguish them. He stood there staring at Hakkai who didn’t try to break free, hadn’t done at any point during their ‘discussion’.

After a crack of thunder that was the loudest yet, Hakkai spoke. "I allow it because, as trite as it sounds, when Gojyo’s happy so am I. I allow it because I owe him something after forcing myself into his life."

"Bullshit." Hakkai’s skin, so smooth and warm, felt so good – too good - to touch. "As if he ever had much of a life for you to force yourself on. You feed him and look after him, put up with his bullshit and his cheating. Only someone as foolish as you would see any sort of debt remaining. And if you owe him, you owe *me* just as much." He hadn’t meant to let that last bit slip but the words were now spoken. His anger had gotten the better of him again upon reflecting on how Hakkai willingly chose someone like Gojyo for a lover, yet never looked at him as anything other than a friend.

Hakkai smiled, warm flesh shifting beneath Sanzo’s touch, and for once there were real emotions in the expression. Maybe the discussion or the rain was wearing through his shields, leaving pain and something… something else exposed. "You may be right but I’d be foolish to expect the great Genjo Sanzo to ever recognize any debts, even ones owed to him. I… couldn’t bear to do something that… offensive to you."

"Maybe you’d be wrong." Sanzo couldn’t look away from Hakkai. His world narrowed down to the other man until even the storm faded away. "What if I was willing to recognize one debt, what one action had done to… to inconvenience me? Would you be so concerned about-" He couldn’t say it, even if this conversation was just idle speculation. He could never admit that he needed anyone or anything, not even Hakkai, one of the strongest, most stubborn fools he’d ever known. Not even someone who reminded him so much of Koumyou – especially someone like that. His master’s loss had been more than painful enough to warn him against falling into that trap again, even if Hakkai helped to drown out the storm. Because all Hakkai would do was smile that false smile and say something to ‘let him down’ gently and that would be that.

Right now, however, he had the rare sight of seeing Hakkai apparently stunned into silence. His companion’s lips parted several times, as if to speak, but no sound ever emerged. His left hand uncurled and reached out hesitantly, slowly touched Sanzo’s chest as if he was worried about being smacked for his audacity. The emotions left plain in his brilliant green eyes scared Sanzo because they were nothing he was used to seeing there. Something had happened just now, something he wasn’t sure about but he had the awful suspicion he’d exposed more than he’d intended just then, that he betrayed how much of a lovesick fool he truly was.

But, before he could turn away and try to pretend this conversation had never happened, before he could try to lose himself in beer and silent suffering once again, Hakkai’s hand tightened on his robes, trapping him in place.

"I would have to say that I was never aware that you… that we…." Hakkai stopped and shook his head. Sanzo just wanted this entire discussion to have never taken place. Things were much safer that way. After all, in just a few minutes he’d allowed himself to become what he despised – a complete and utter fool.

"There’s nothing to be aware of," he replied coldly. He refused to allow Hakkai look at him like that because the idiot thought he owed something to him. "You’re right, I don’t give a damn about any debts you think you owe me." However, when he tried to grasp Hakkai’s hand and make it let go of his robes, his own settled over Hakkai’s and then held on tightly.

"If that was true, then you’d never say anything since you don’t believe in useless words." Hakkai straightened up, his body touching Sanzo’s at various places: chest, thigh, nose – they were so close together Sanzo was about to become cross-eyed from looking at Hakkai. His body burned at where it met his companion’s.

"I don’t believe in anything useless," he replied, suddenly a little breathless. "And the debt you feel you owe to Gojyo renders the one you *think* you owe to me just that."

A sad smile appeared on Hakkai’s face. "I can see why you’d think that, but what if I say I can owe two debts to two different people? That… that I already do?"

As painful as it would be for Hakkai to call Sanzo a fool, it was also painful to think that there was any true meaning to the quiet man’s words. "I don’t think that’s possible. Sooner or later Gojyo would need you again and his… debt would take precedence." He tried once more to deny his wants and refuse to weaken himself even more just for one night. No matter how badly he wanted Hakkai, there were some pains he wouldn’t inflict on himself. Somehow that resolution became less and less convincing each time he repeated it to himself.

Hakkai sighed, the sound eclipsed by the pounding rain and little more than a puff of warm air against his face. "And you’re the one who just berated me for not putting myself first, were you not? I’ll never repay my debt to Gojyo," Hakkai said, his eyes intent on Sanzo’s, "but I’ll never repay the one I owe to you, either. I…don’t want to." Real emotion burned in his eyes, an echo of what Sanzo saw in his own during the times that filled him with self-disgust at his own weakness. "Perhaps… I need… both debts to keep me going. After all, without you there’d be no Cho Hakkai, would there not?"

Sanzo heard the question but all he was truly aware of was Hakkai admitting his own needs. More than likely, he was about to do something he’d hate himself for later on but something changed when this… whatever it was between them became about Hakkai. About Hakkai’s needs. He was no longer the weak one if he gave in – his needs were still ignored, could still be safely locked away. He could always pretend in the morning that it was the beer or the rain that drove him to part his lips and press them against Hakkai’s.

They were both still for a moment, and then Hakkai’s other arm slid around his shoulders and pulled him close. Sanzo moved then, moved forward to press his body against Hakkai’s, to thrust his tongue into an open mouth as his fingers tangled in soft, damp hair. All his emotions were burned away by intense desire, as were all his thoughts except for the one that right now, Hakkai was his. Bodies rocking together, tongues sliding against each other, his entire being focused on the man he was holding. Hot, lean body for him to touch. Silky, thick hair for him to grasp. Wet, warm mouth for him to taste. He wanted it all.

Images formed in his mind: stolen glimpses of couples, various poses from pornographic magazines, fevered dreams and wanton descriptions – a maelstrom of lust and need that left him with no clue what to do now that he finally had the object of his desire. All he knew was that he didn’t want to stop.

Hakkai seemed to decide things for them. He pushed against Sanzo and was shoved back against the wall – it wasn’t until he moved forward again that Sanzo realized that his companion wasn’t trying to push him away but was trying to move them both away from the wall. Hakkai’s arms remained wrapped around him, mouth pressed against his as nimble fingers worked on loosening the robes gathered around his waist. That reminded him that clothes weren’t very good things right now, an amazingly complex thought when he was as muddled as he was with desire just then, and he forced his hand to unclench from thick hair so he could work on stripping Hakkai in turn.

Flashes of light illuminated revealed skin and the intent stare Hakkai gave him as they undressed each other. The small monocle Hakkai wore was fogged up and knocked askew so he removed it and tossed it in the direction of Hakkai’s bed. Hakkai didn’t seem to mind, he even smiled slightly as he continued to shift Sanzo’s tight top up his chest and over his head then threw it aside to join the monocle.

The upper parts of their bodies now bare, they focused on removing each other’s pants. Worn material fell to the floor and almost tripped them but was soon kicked aside, as finally was their underwear too. The first full body contact made Sanzo suck in his breath, made him feel as if electricity ran through his body from head to toes and back up again. Having lost all patience, he spun Hakkai around, forced him back the last few steps and pushed him down onto the bed, beer cans rattling onto the floor. He was going to do this *now* before this pleasure was snatched from him, before the gods, youkai or even Gojyo interrupted them. Dammit, he’d shoot anything that entered the room just then. *Anything*.

Hakkai laughed while his arms pulled Sanzo down, onto a naked, lean body. The amused sound didn’t annoy or enrage Sanzo, not when Hakkai spread his legs and wrapped them around his, causing their erections to rub together as his chin was nibbled. His right hand seized Hakkai’s hair and tugged so he could kiss that teasing mouth while he rocked his hips forward, the motion more forceful by the second as the wonderful friction drove him mad with pleasure. He’d never felt anything like this… never thought… as good as he could make himself feel at times, it was nothing like this. That was just his hand on himself while this… this was wonderful naked skin against skin, was unpredictable, delicious movements that made the breath catch in his throat.

Hakkai gasped into his mouth, hands clutching his ass and urging him to thrust again. Sanzo was vaguely aware that there should be more, that things should be more complex than this but it felt so damn good…. He grunted as he trailed his mouth down Hakkai’s neck to a prominent collar bone and sucked hard as he rocked back and forth, his hands clenching Hakkai’s ass in return as they ground together. The feel of something he’d denied himself for so long in his arms, was almost as maddeningly delightful as the friction that made his whole body grow hot and tight. His hips seemed to have a will of their own and he groaned again as Hakkai’s legs spread a little more.

All the while his name was chanted amidst moans and more of those delicious gasps, feeling almost as good as his lover’s cock sliding slickly against his, as the teasing fingers that now brushed against his balls. He couldn’t get enough of Hakkai, not enough of the feel of his smooth, sweaty skin or how it tasted, enough of his breathless voice or the way he moved against him. To hear the normally aloof man beg him for more, for him not to stop…. Hakkai tossed his head back as he pleaded, seeming as lost in the pleasure as Sanzo felt, one hand gripping him almost too painfully to keep him from pulling away.

Unable and unwilling to stop, Sanzo jerked and rubbed and shuddered against Hakkai, his fingers digging into firm flesh as he panted and groaned against a bruised, flushed neck. Ecstasy coursed through him and grew stronger by the second, with each motion and breath and touch. His hips thrust frantically as a word choked in his throat – his lover’s name – and then something so incredibly pure and powerful swept through him, shattered him as he shuddered and cried out. Hakkai’s name drowned out the sound of his own as Hakkai writhed beneath him, arms tightening around his waist as if to break him in half while warmth spurted against his stomach.

The world faded out just then, into a white, blissed out fog and then faded back in to him lying on top of Hakkai, his face pressed into the crook of the man’s throat and hands still clenching his ass. He was hot and sticky and sweaty and even though he wanted nothing more than to roll away and pretend that nothing happened - before Hakkai did just that - he couldn’t find the strength to move. The thought that, as incredible as… whatever they’d just done had felt, it should be nothing compared to actual intercourse. He felt another addiction forming – and he knew this one was the most dangerous one of all.

"Sanzo." Hakkai, panting as if he were out of breath, said his name just loud enough to be heard over an annoying hissing sound while trembling fingers combed through his hair. "Thank you."

Now that startled him enough to make him move, as sure as he’d been that Hakkai would tell him that it had all been a mistake and that they had to keep this a secret from Gojyo. He looked up and saw an incredibly honest, sated smile, tinged with a little sadness, but still nothing he’d ever expected to see gracing Hakkai’s face. The fingers in his hair slid down to brush aside his bangs and trail their way along the side of his face. "Do you want me to go now?"

"What the hell does that mean?" he demanded as he found the strength to sit up between Hakkai’s spread legs. A familiar craving had him darting glances around the room, avoiding Hakkai’s face as he tried to figure out what the hell the fool was thinking now. "You’re not going anywhere," he snapped as he finally found his cigarettes lying on the floor, where they must have fallen from the bed. At least they weren’t crushed. Then, he realized what he’d just said, how he’d just lost the opportunity to get away from Hakkai without any fuss.

But the sight of pain fading from Hakkai’s smile made him feel a little less like an idiot. "Well, I know you like your space and it’s a small bed." Hakkai stretched out beneath him, a sinuous movement that almost made him drop his lighter.

Emboldened by the smile and convinced that if he was doing something he’d regret, he might as well do it properly, he spoke after taking a long drag from his cigarette. "We’re not finished. You’re staying until then." If the man wasn’t going to bolt now that they’d done… something, he wasn’t going to let him go just yet.

There was a warm chuckle as Hakkai shifted slightly on the bed. "In that case…," he said as he sat up a little and reached behind him, "I think I need to move this." He handed Sanzo his gun before stretching over to the other bed for the towel hanging to dry on its headboard. "Quite frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t go off. I’m not willing to take a chance that it won’t as we continue things." There was a hint of wickedness to both his voice and the arch of a dark eyebrow above a sparkling green eye as he used the towel to wipe himself clean.

Sanzo accepted the gun with a soft grunt and placed it on the nightstand, within easy reach should he need it, before he grabbed the towel and used it to wipe off the sticky mess cooling on his stomach. Another drag from the cigarette and then he stubbed it out in the overflowing ashtray beside the weapon before leaning forward. Now that he had calmed down, that he knew things weren’t going to be snatched from him right now, he could think a little more clearly. Hakkai obviously hadn’t come to his senses yet, so that left him some time to put together those jumbled thoughts from earlier to make a plan. He didn’t believe in doing things by half. No, if Hakkai was going to be his lover, even if just for tonight, then they were going to do things right.

As he leaned down, Hakkai’s smile became a truly wicked thing. He found himself stunned by it as he was hugged and pulled close, as long legs once more entangled with his own. But the paralysis didn’t last long, not when Hakkai was underneath him, ready and willing.

His fingers itching to bury themselves in soft, dark brown hair, he realized that the hissing sound was rain, now falling softly. The storm seemed to have passed without him even noticing. Then Hakkai’s lips were on his own and he forgot all about the rain once again.

*******

Return to Archive