Peace

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by nekojita

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Reno twitched at the abrupt shift between sleep and consciousness, his mind still tormented with the image of clotting blood and the sensation of invading pain. He let out a slow breath as he stared about the room, needing a precious second to remember where he was and not helped by the fact that his eyesight was currently all ‘glowy’. This was the bedroom he shared with Rufus, his lover slept less than a foot away from him on the large bed. There was no sign at all of any motion as he looked about, the most audible sounds being Rufus’ faint snoring and the steady fall of rain.

Lying on the edge of the bed, Reno very carefully slid off it, mindful of his unconscious lover. Since he didn’t usually change position while sleeping, Rufus could be startled awake by him moving about. Good thing he was known as a sneaky bastard and managed to stand up without disturbing Rufus at all. He leaned down to feel about the floor, eventually touching a pair of boxers that must be Rufus’, judging from their size. Pulling them on and then quietly making his way across the room, he closed the door behind him without making a sound. Intent on a certain destination, he headed to the bar in the living room, grabbing the first full bottle that he saw since he couldn’t read any labels right now. The sliding doors that led to the balcony glowed in his unusual vision, a beacon drawing him to the dim light and falling rain that lay beyond them.

Once again being very careful about not making any sounds, he opened, stepped through then closed the door, shivering slightly as the cold and humid air hit his mostly bare skin. There was a sharp craving for cigarettes that he ignored, knowing that he’d have difficultly keeping them lit in this weather. Setting the bottle on the concrete barrier of the balcony, he easily hopped upward so he could sit on it and stare out over the city.

He knew that his vision was all screwed up because of the nightmare that lingered in his mind, an after-effect of the stressful mission he’d just completed hours ago. Yet it was almost peaceful, looking out on The Edge like this, with the rain falling down on everything. He could see the raindrops individually until distance blurred them together, glowing spots that coated everything they touched. Energy currents moved through the air, the far-off lightning threatening to blind him if he stared in that direction for too long.

No doubt Rude or Tseng would find the sight before him as very beautiful, but to Reno the glowing colors seemed to taunt him, depriving him of the darkness he needed right now. Things were too bright for his peace of mind, threatening to change into the luminous crimson that had almost drowned him in his dreams. Holding up his left hand, fingers clutched tightly around the bottle, he almost expected the blues and greens that comprised his body to change to red at any second. There’d been so much blood on him earlier, so warm and viscous that the rain falling on him right now was a startling contrast.

Sitting on the edge of the balcony’s wall, feet dangling in the air almost twenty stories up and the wind tossing about his hair, he unscrewed the bottle’s cap and lifted the container to his mouth for a long drink. Ah, lovely whiskey, so potent and rough going down his throat, an almost physical warmth working its way into his body as he swallowed. He swayed a little just then, half from the wind that literally pushed at him and half from the relief of alcohol.

He was growing cold and wet and didn’t really care; they were things that he could ignore with ease after years of stake-outs and sniper missions. His body ached, the dull pain easily tolerated because of the pleasure and release it had brought him, his skin stinging in spots from Rufus’ nails and teeth and even the rough concrete he sat on. The awful reverberation he’d felt in his left hand and arm after the mission had been sublimated by the almost savage thrusts of his lover, Rufus shoving into him with such speed and force that he’d only been able to focus on that sensation and the pleasure it created. Now his ass was a bit sore and his hips bruised, but his left hand was steady around the bottle and only felt its smooth surface.

The whiskey began to spread its warmth and intoxication through his body, a welcome relief that he’d been searching for when he’d come home a few hours ago, hair still wet and spare uniform damp from the shower he’d taken at headquarters to wash off all the blood. His plan had been to get falling down drunk, but Rufus had been here, working in his office as Reno entered the apartment, and one means of oblivion had been exchanged for another. They’d had sex until he’d been ready to pass out, body sore, throat aching, mind blissfully numbed. It just hadn’t lasted him long enough to get through the night, unfortunately.

They’d been at some hell-hole of a whorehouse, the decrepit building hidden amongst the ruins on the edge of Midgar. The girls had been either well below the legal age or clearly strung out on drugs – or both - all sharing that haunted, hopeless look he remembered so well while growing up. The reminder of his best forgotten childhood wasn’t what had crawled under his skin and set it itching to the point that he wanted to scratch it raw, but it hadn’t helped when the mission had turned from lousy to a cistern full of steaming shit just minutes after he, Rude, Rod and Cyril had entered the place. He hissed as he thought of the girl he’d beaten to death, his baton cracking open her fragile skull as she did her best to block the door that kept him from his partner and the trap that Rude had unknowingly sprung, or the kickback of repeatedly using his gun on the stupid bitches who hadn’t gotten out of his way as he dragged Rude out of the place. By the time they’d left, the place was half-collapsed on itself and he was willing to bet housed very few survivors, and the worst thing was that Rude had been hurt and they hadn’t caught the fucking prick they’d been sent into the shithole for in the first place. No, Elena, Kali and others were on the prick’s trail right now while the urge to destroy and kill simmered through his entire being, his mind filled with the image of blood that wasn’t enough because he’d been pulled off the hunt too soon.

The whiskey helped to calm it down a little, as did the cold and the rain, slowly leaving him numb enough that the rage and yearning were almost ignored. He stared out over the city, his fucked-up eyes revealing the bright presence of life that he wished he could snuff out with but a thought. People annoyed him, made him want to forever silence their whining about paying the bills, looking after the fucking kids and fighting with the in-laws; voicing their annoyance at how work behind a damn desk was so demanding and that the car needed to go into the shop and all the incredibly inane things they had to bitch about. Most of the time he felt as if he lived in another world, one where a bad day wasn’t finding out that he had to write a stupid report but his partner nearly having half his internal organs shot up. He’d never been a part of that other world, and times like this made its existence something too foul to bear.

But the whiskey did its magic, and his vision returned to normal and he was halfway through the bottle when he heard the door slide open. Rufus’ arms, clad in a thick robe, were almost hot against his chilled flesh, prompting a grunt of surprise from him as his lover tugged him backwards the slightest bit.

"Is this where I’m supposed to say ‘don’t jump, you have so much to live for’?" Rufus seemed to be trying for an amused tone, but there was too much tension in it for that.

"Tell me I’m gonna be a fuckin’ father and I’m jumpin’ right now." Reno snorted in derision and turned to face his lover, surprised by the grim look on Rufus’ face. "I’m just sittin’ here. View’s great, you should try it."

"I would, but I have this thing that’s called ‘a sense of self-preservation’." Rufus frowned and snatched the bottle from Reno’s grasp. "Now, before you say something that tempts me to give you a shove, get down from there. I’m not in the mood to listen to Tseng berate me for doing in one of his Turks, even one stupid enough to sit on the balcony’s wall while inebriated."

Reno clicked his tongue a couple of times and forced his numb legs to swing over the concrete barrier. "You worry too damn much." If he was going to jump he’d have done it already, and from a much higher building than this. Hell, if he was in a suicidal mood he could have let himself be killed at least six times tonight.

"It’s become a constant in my life since meeting you," Rufus snapped, his frown deepening as he stared at Reno trying to force his legs to keep him upright.

"Gee, I’m crazy about you, too." Reno blew his lover a kiss and attempted to snatch back the bottle, only to find his actions a touch too slow at the moment. "You should be in bed."

"I could say the same thing about you." Rufus tilted the bottle up and drank several swallows of the whiskey, making Reno impressed despite himself. "So was it meant to be death by hypothermia instead of jumping?"

Funny how Reno hadn’t really felt that cold until Rufus had to keep bringing it to his attention. He let out a deep breath and did his best to tuck the wet strands of his hair behind his ears before turning to look out over the city once again. "Couldn’ sleep."

"Ah." Rufus was once more an almost hot presence against him, this time along his back as his lover braced both arms on either side of him. "That would explain why you’re not in bed, I suppose."

"I thought I was supposed to be the smart ass," Reno grumbled, the welcome haze of intoxication lifting slightly, allowing the frustration and yearning from before to return. "What’s your excuse?"

Rufus was silent for a few seconds, his breath hot against the right side of Reno’s neck. "Your cellphone rang and woke me up. Tseng said that Rude’s awake now and that they caught the target."

"Dammit." Reno closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands against his temples, furious at himself for forgetting to grab the thing before coming out here. "That means I’m missing out on a party." He went to push away from the wall and ended up shoved back into it again. "Rufus!"

"Not right now." His earring was tugged on hard enough to make him swear. "Tseng wants you to stay here. The last thing he needs is someone beating up the target for the hell of it when he wants some answers." Rufus’ voice had gone as cold as the rain, containing that hint of steel that warned Reno to obey or else. Never good at following orders, Reno tried to push away once more, but the bastard had the advantage of coordination and strength at the moment. "You’re not leaving. Show up at headquarters and Tseng will shoot you."

That provoked a round of bitter laughter from him. "Why the hell not? It be a great way to end the fuckin’ day." Reno slumped forward, knowing that his boss was perfectly serious and already warned of the consequences if he showed up at work at any time before visiting hours in Medical tomorrow. "They better damn well be tapin’ the interrogation."

"I’m sure they will since Rude is popular amongst the Turks." Rufus’ breath was hitting his neck again, the hold on his earring a bit slack. "You won’t do them any good beating the target to death, so come back to bed."

"Yeah." But Reno didn’t move, not when his muscles felt tied up in knots and his skin was itching once again. No one wanted his insane ass around while they beat up the prick who almost killed Rude and Cyril tonight, not when he so clearly was someone they couldn’t trust to control himself. "Just how crazy do you think I am?" he asked, his voice barely louder than the rain as he stared out at a city he’d destroy with no sense of remorse.

"What?" Rufus pressed closer to him, his warm hands wrapped around Reno’s chest. "Crazy?"

"Yeah. On a scale of one ta ten, with Sephiroth bein’ ten, jus’ how fucked up do you think I am?" He was someone who recalled his screwed-up childhood while visiting a whorehouse, who thought of rain as a good way to wash off the blood clinging to him before he could manage to return to the office and take a shower. Someone who’d tried to keep score of everyone he’d killed at first, only to lose track of the number long before he’d even dropped a damn Plate. "Come on, you know you don’ think of me as sane."

Rufus hesitated for a moment, his mouth moving along Reno’s neck until he wanted to squirm from the light caress. "An eight, maybe seven and a half on a good day."

Reno laughed at the answer, amused despite himself. "What, two whole steps beneath the mightily fucked-up General? I’m disappointed." He laughed a bit more, the sound losing its warmth and amusement. "Why don’ you just lock me up, then?" More than enough shrinks had recommended just that, and they didn’t know half of the shit he did. Rufus knew about it all, however, and was there to fuck him unconscious after the worst of it.

"Because despite your beliefs to the contrary, you’re *my* dog." Rufus played with the earring as his lips brushed against the outer shell of Reno’s right ear. "All that mayhem, all that death, is for my benefit. No matter what others believe, you have some control, some… method to your madness." Reno could feel his lover shift behind him, could feel the hardness that rubbed against his ass. "Because insanity has its uses, and you’d be far too boring if you ever turned sane and safe." He fell silent for a few seconds, his left hand trailing along Reno’s chest to slide beneath the silk boxers, his touch so warm that Reno cried out and bucked backwards. "Because how you are is very useful to me, has made you… irreplaceable."

Reno wanted to crack a joke, to say something about deserving a raise or his lover being just as fucked up, but all he could do was grind his ass against Rufus’ hard cock, was to press the hand cupping his own erection against him some more. The frustration and disgust at the world melted at Rufus’ touch, at the promise of more pleasurable oblivion, and he didn’t have the energy to waste on it anymore.

Rufus’ right hand let go of his earring to press against his mouth, two fingers sliding past his parted lips and prompting a moan from him. He sucked on them for several seconds, the chill leaving his flesh as desire flooded through him, nerves tingling almost painfully as they awakened. Licking at his lover’s palm, he moaned again and shoved down his boxers so he could kick them aside. His actions were rewarded by a pleased chuckle and a hot mouth sucking on the back of his neck.

Pulling away his wet hand, Rufus shifted back enough so he could reach between them, two saliva-slick fingers pushing inside of Reno with little warning. He was still loose and slick from before, the intrusion burning a little and feeling so damn good. Pain was another wonderful distraction, especially when mixed with pleasure to the point he couldn’t tell the two apart, so he urged Rufus to hurry up. "Come on, fuck me already." His breath caught in his throat when he heard his lover spit. "Oh, *please*."

"Beg me again," Rufus whispered, sounding too smug for words and more than a little evil. He must have undone his robe because warm flesh pressed against Reno’s back, his left hand urging Reno to brace his arms against the wall while his hard cock rubbed against Reno’s hole in a maddeningly teasing manner.

"Please, Rufus." Reno let his head loll backwards as he arched his back, his ass brushing against the cock he wanted buried inside of it so much that he *ached*. "I need you."

"Never forget that." There was an edge to his lover’s words that sunk past the desire that hazed Reno’s senses, but before he could recall what had been said, Rufus thrust in with enough force to make him go up on his toes.

Crying out at the sudden intrusion, Reno found himself unable to breathe and the world once again awash in colors. The burn was back, stronger than before, but it felt incredible, was a sensation strong enough that he could push aside everything else. He braced his arms even more when he realized that this was going to be another hard, furious fuck, the cold completely forgotten and inebriation lost beneath the even more addictive sense of ecstasy. His entire body felt on fire, felt as if it had fallen asleep and now his nerves were tingling so strongly as they woke up. There was the pain he’d wanted, mixed so enticingly with the growing pleasure that he would have come if Rufus didn’t grasp the base of his cock and give it a hard squeeze. "Ah!"

"Not… until I come." Rufus grunted out the words, his voice harsh and breaking, his hips slamming forward with even more force than before. Reno had to lock his elbows to keep from rushing toward the concrete wall, his hands and the balls of his feet scraped as they shifted about for traction. He wanted to come so much it hurt, another wonderful sensation added to all the others, and his vision dimmed for a few seconds at a particularly hard thrust that hit just the right spot. Rufus’ other hand was tangled in his hair, holding his head back and to the side so even teeth could scrape along what he was sure was already bruised skin. He ached all over and it felt *fantastic*; he didn’t want this moment to end and so gave himself to it entirely.

Rufus didn’t let up for a second, his chest slick with sweat against Reno’s back despite how cold it was outside. The hand around Reno’s cock pulled him backwards onto each brutal thrust, tightening even more as a high-pitched whine built in his throat. His nerves felt ready to explode from the ecstasy, his body overwhelmed by it as if Rufus held a charged baton against him. Whatever control he had was vanishing fast, Rufus’ hand leaving his hair to keep them both from slamming against the wall. That shift in position made Rufus’ cock rub hard against his sweet spot, made him scream as if in pain when it really was just too much… too much *everything*.

Letting out a shuddering breath, Rufus released Reno’s cock and thrust forward again, crying out as well as Reno finally came. He held Reno upright during the orgasm, trembling against him before slowly letting go. It wasn’t until Reno’s knees gave out and he slumped to the floor, warmth running down the inside of his thighs as Rufus slid out of him, that he realized that he hadn’t been the only one to come.

The concrete floor felt so fucking good just then, so cool against his heated skin. Rufus joined him down there after a few seconds, his robe tied once more and his face mostly composed if very flushed and shiny from sweat. Reno chuckled as he watched his lover attempt to restore order to his hair by combing it with his fingers.

"If that hasn’t worn you out enough, then I’m going to shove a vibrator up your ass, strap it in place and go to sleep," Rufus mumbled, seated with his back against the glass door.

Reno forced his thoroughly exhausted body to move forward until he could lay with his head in his lover’s lap, his pleased smile fading somewhat when he realized the bottle of whiskey was on top of the wall and too far out of reach. "Even if I could walk after a fuck like that, you’re gonna have to carry me to bed." The faint aches from before had returned with a vengeance, yet they still felt good. At the least, he could focus on them instead of how cold the air now felt or the disturbing thoughts that lurked in the back of his mind.

"Don’t even think of bitching about your sore ass when you asked for it." Despite the harsh tone to his voice, Rufus’ touch was gentle as he slid his fingers through Reno’s wet hair.

"Wouldn’t be so sore if you let me do the fucking from time to time." Reno felt good enough that it didn’t matter if he got said sore ass kicked for bringing up the subject just then, though doing so while out on the balcony might not be the best place. He was only partially certain that Rufus didn’t have the energy to throw him over the ledge, after all.

As it was, Rufus gave his hair a strong tug. "You’re the one into pain, not me."

"Someone didn’t do a good job if it was only painful," Reno mumbled, his hand rising to keep his hair from being yanked out.

All Rufus did was snort as if amused and urge him to sit up. "Don’t pull a Sephiroth on me and I’ll consider your offer. Someday."

Well, that was something Reno had never expected to hear, and it helped him find enough energy to stand up as he gave his lover an assessing look. "’Consider’, eh? If I pull a Sephiroth then I’d be crazy enough to just fuck you anyway."

"Yes, but you wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy it." Rufus’ smile just then was pure evil as he pulled out the small gun he’d tucked into one of the pockets of his robe and motioned with it in the direction of Reno’s now flaccid cock. "Say anything else so stupid and you’ll spend the night out here."

"Spoilsport." Reno stuck out his tongue as he stumbled back into the living room, his legs still wobbly as hell. He stretched his arms over his head then had to lower them quickly to catch himself against the wall; fighting his way out of the whorehouse and then a couple of hours of rough sex had left him in pretty poor shape, even if he now was exhausted enough to sleep through the rest of the night. "You wanna know what number you are on that scale?" There were days when he swore that Rufus could give ol’ Sephy a run for the general’s funny money.

"Reno… shut up and get into bed." Rufus glared as he shed his robe, looking ready to knock Reno unconscious if he didn’t do what he was told. Pausing only to grab some tissues and clean himself before getting into bed, Reno didn’t voice any comments about how much of a domineering bastard his lover could be. A sore ass he could handle waking up to, a caved-in head was something else.

Thoughts of the mission tried their best to push their way back into his mind, but he shoved them aside by focusing on the pleasurable aches in his body, and how soft and warm the sheets felt. This time, he didn’t settle on the edge of the bed but rolled toward its center, lying an inch or two from Rufus with his left arm draped over his lover’s side.

"Keep your cold feet to yourself or I’ll shoot you."

"Bastard," Reno muttered, settling in a bit more against the mattress and the pillow before drifting off to sleep. On the edge of unconsciousness, he felt himself be pulled forward until he rested against solid warmth, that sensation following him down into the darkness that was bereft of anything but peace and silence.

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