Remembrance

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Yohji entered the bedroom he shared with his lovers, his smile weakening when he noticed the things that had already been boxed up; most of Aya’s books were missing, along with the various knickknacks that he and Schu had bought while living in Hong Kong. Pretty soon it would just be the furniture that was left, since they did not plan on taking any of it with them when they moved to Moscow. Just a few more days now….

He would miss the nice, big bed, but what mattered the most were the two men seated on it; Schuldig wore his green and grey ‘work’ outfit while Aya was still dressed in the black cotton pants and t-shirt he wore while practicing his katas. Both of them appeared unhappy, which was confirmed by the emotions that Yohji felt over their shared link. Schu’s displeasure was easy to pin down – he was upset over leaving Hong Kong and the reasons for that move, as well as pissed off that he would spend the next day or two working with Crawford and Farfarello as they tied up various loose ends around the city.

The reason for Aya’s unhappiness was not so transparent; something had bothered him for the last couple of days, and neither Yohji nor Schu believed it to be related to the move. However, all their prying and questions had not revealed an answer, though Yohji hoped that was about to change.

"Shouldn’t you be getting your lazy ass in gear? Whoever said that Germans make good workers must have been on drugs," Yohji sneered, as always finding amusement in the familiar jabs at his lover.

Schu returned the sneer and added a disgusted sniff for good measure. "What, you’re Crawford’s dog now, obeying orders to fetch this and that? It’s all you’re good for, really." He had to watch the ‘Japanese’ cracks since that included more than Yohji, not that it was much of a handicap when it came time to trade insults. They dropped their sneers and smiled in pleasure at each other, the brief happiness fading as the reality of their situation returned.

/You should go,/ Aya told Schu, twisting about on the bed to press a gentle kiss to the man’s lips before pushing against his shoulders. /Now’s not a good time to drag things out. Be… be careful./

Schu groaned, the sound faint yet heartfelt. /Look, I’ll actually listen to the uptight bastard if you promise to stay here while I’m gone, okay?/ He stared Aya straight in the face, expression so intent and worried that for once, Aya did not give him any grief for treating him as if he could not look after himself. If he had, Yohji would have joined forces against his stubborn, often suicidal lover and echoed Schu’s request, not in any mood to risk losing one of the men he loved to Rosenkreuz. As it was, he felt a pain in his chest at the thought of Schu possibly running into those bastards while they combed the city for Grau.

"Yeah, I second that. Don’t be your usual idiotic self." Yohji could not muster much disgust as he spoke when he was so worried, and this time, Schu’s answering sneer was on the weak side.

"Oh, please, I’m a professional, I’ll have you know." He leaned forward for one more kiss from Aya before rising from the bed, motions jittery with a slight case of the nerves, and gave Yohji a kiss as well. "You two could learn a lot from me."

/Only things that will get us in even more trouble with Crawford,/ Yohji just had to point out, and felt better when Schu flashed him a cocky grin in return.

/Who ever said that was a bad thing, hmm?/ Schu’s grin wavered as he was besieged by memories of the occasions where Yohji and Aya had to suffer for one of his idiotic schemes. "You guys are no fun," he pouted, hands busy brushing down the front of his green coat and adjusting the weapons hidden inside. "Think of how boring your lives would be without me."

"I’m thinking that we could have lived without the punishment for you introducing yourself to that one target as Crawford’s dom fuck-buddy." Yohji shuddered at that memory as he reached for his lover and propelled him toward the door. "Now go!" /And be careful./ He sent that last bit as a private thought between just him and Schu.

/I will./ For once, Schu’s thoughts were serious. /Just make sure to find out what’s bothering him, okay?/

/I promise./ They could be pissed off enough at each other enough to do a bit of physical damage, and still had some issues with jealousy, but the moment that something seemed to bother Aya, they were united as friends and lovers once more. Yohji gave Schu’s right shoulder a comforting squeeze before he shoved the lazy bastard out the bedroom door and closed it behind him. Schu’s physical departure was followed by a mental one as well; he blocked off most of the link he shared with Yohji and Aya so they did not distract him from work.

"Finally, that guy never wants to work!" Yohji brushed his hands together as if ridding them of dirt, saddened by the loss of the link but too well aware of how it was for the best right now. "I never thought we’d be alone!" He waggled his eyebrows as he stared at Aya, a tingling warmth filling him when he got a hint of a smile for his troubles.

/You’ve just figured that out?/ Aya stood to his feet, as always moving with a grace that left Yohji entranced and swearing to himself he had to practice some katas himself, and crossed the room to one of the half-empty bookshelves. /I wonder how he’s going to upset Crawford this time./

Aya had yet to speak out loud that day, which was never a good sign; whenever he was unhappy about something, he tended to hide behind his talent. Add to that the sad way he was staring at one book in particular, and Yohji decided that now was a good time to get to the heart of whatever it was that so bothered his lover.

He and Schu had tried their best the last couple of days to figure that out, and one of the reasons that Schu had taken the latest mission without much of a fuss was because he knew that Yohji usually had the best chance to get something out of Aya. It wasn’t that Aya didn’t love or trust Schu the same amount that he did Yohji… it was that the two of them had more of a shared past than Aya did with Schu. There were a couple of years where Yohji had been the closest thing to a friend that Aya had ever had, so many missions where they had watched each other’s backs and learned things that they usually did their best to keep hidden from the world.

Yohji went to join his quiet lover, standing with his chest pressed against Aya’s back and his arms loosely draped over Aya’s muscular shoulders. He breathed in deeply and felt his body relax at the scent of his lover, of familiar shampoo and soap, the lack of sweat which meant that Aya had not worked out yet today. /Do you want any help boxing them up?/ As he held his lover, the urge to use his talent to break into Aya’s guarded thoughts was very strong, but he resisted it with the thought of how bad it would be to have a pissed off swordsman after his head.

/I need more boxes first./ As Aya answered, he slowly leaned against Yohji, the tension leaving his body as well. /I wonder if any of them will get lost during the move./ He was upset at that possibility, and a little angry at himself for collecting so many things over the last several months. Of course it was all Yohji and Schu’s fault, really, for making him think of the future and actually *own* things.

Shuddering as he followed that thought, Yohji sent his lover the memory of Aya’s apartment back when they had been Weiss, still upset over how barren and cold it had been. He and Schu had refused to let Aya live like that any longer, and fortunately it had not taken long for the stubborn fool to agree with them. He winced when there was a flash of pain inside his head for that last thought.

/I’m not the stubborn one!/ As retorts and mental whaps went, both were on the rather weak side, which just fueled Yohji’s concern.

"Oh, really? Do I even have to bother dredging up all the many, *many* memories that will prove you wrong?" He did not need to see Aya’s expression to know he had proven his point, not with the way his lover’s emotions took on a turbulent bent. However, the anger did not last for very long, which only made him more concerned – when Aya was not in a mood to put him in his place, things were never good.

/I caught that./ There was the slightest hint of amusement to Aya’s thoughts, and he once more relaxed against Yohji’s chest. After he let out a deep breath, he held out his right hand; it took Yohji a few seconds to realize that he was supposed to reach for it.

Neither of their hands were hidden behind gloves, not when they considered their home a safe haven. The contact of skin filled Yohji with love and sadness, a stronger flow than what was provided over the permanent link between his, Schu and Aya’s minds. What he felt made him tighten his left arm around his lover and press a kiss against Aya’s right temple.

He let Aya guide his hand, not terribly surprised when his fingers touched the stiff paper backing of a book. What made him suck in his breath were the memories and emotions that flowed into him at the contact.

As much as the three of them were inside each other’s thoughts and memories, he knew about Aya-chan and how special she had been to Aya. He knew what had driven his lover to become a killer, and how important the girl had been as the one human being that Aya could touch before he had gained some control over his talent.

The images were of the girl growing up, almost always smiling when she looked at Aya. Anyone could see that she had adored her older brother, had turned to him for approval and love. It was also clear that Aya had given her both things without any hesitation, and that the love had been strongly returned. The book had been a gift to him on his sixteenth birthday, earned by Aya-chan working odd jobs and saving up money for several weeks just so she could get her beloved brother something she knew he wanted.

What was a surprise was the final memory – of Aya standing in front of his family’s grave, staring at the spot where Aya-chan’s name would be engraved, right below where his stood out in stark relief. With the memory came the date, which Yohji recognized as tomorrow. Aya was not bothered much by having to leave their latest home, but that he was not able to go to his sister’s grave to honor her memory on the anniversary that she had died.

"I’m so sorry, Ayan," Yohji whispered as he held his love close, wishing more than anything that he could lead Aya to the airport and fly back to Tokyo together.

/But we can’t, not when there are still remnants of Kritiker after us, and Rosenkreuz determined to bring us in./ As ever, Aya was the practical one when it came to denying emotions in favor of safety.

For a moment, Yohji wanted to say ‘to hell with it’ and drag Aya out of here, before common sense kicked in. While all of Grau was a target, Aya was the one Rosenkreuz wanted the most, preferably alive so they could put his talent to use. That was not taking into account Schu, who would kick his ass whenever he finally caught up with them for putting Aya and the rest of the team in danger.

"Perhaps… Crawford said we’ll be safe once we’re in Moscow. We could always get away for a day or two, then." When he felt Aya’s resistance to the plan, he mentally reminded his lover of the fact that with their talents, they could hide their real identities from people.

Aya sighed and let his head rest back on Yohji’s shoulder. /It’s still too much of a risk. What matters the most is that she would want me to be happy and safe, and not in danger because of her./ Even if that was true, it did not lessen Aya’s guilt and sadness.

Well aware of how pathetic one felt when faced with something they could not change, Yohji gave his lover’s cheek a linger kiss. /One day we’ll be able to go back there. Until then… I know it sounds trite, but it’s the thought that counts./ He winced and braced himself for a mental whap for that bit of contrived platitude.

Instead, he got a wave of appreciation and love; it came to him then why Aya had revealed this to him and no Schu. Some of it was the fact that they had known each other longer, and some of it was that he knew that Yohji would understand better. Schu could barely remember his family and had felt no real bonds to anyone before meeting Aya and Yohji. Even if he had left home by his own choice, Yohji had known love and felt a bit of his own guilt at the thought of his grandparents’ unattended grave. There was also Asuka’s….

Shoving aside the thought of her, Yohji twisted the hold Aya had on his hand and used it to turn his lover around for a proper kiss. /What matters is you still have something of hers to hold on to, that you’ll never forget her./ How Aya had kept that book for so long, even getting it back after Schu and Crawford had ‘abducted’ him…. That was the type of man Aya was, someone who would never forget those he loved, who would hold precious something that most people considered without value because of the sentiment and love behind it.

/So many changes in the last year or so… I worry that perhaps I will forget her,/ Aya admitted as he ‘pushed’ deep inside Yohji’s mind as if hoping to lose himself there.

/Trust me, Sweetie. I’ve known you for a couple of years now, the last of which has been spent mostly inside that stubborn head of yours./ Yohji chuckled as he stepped back, a wide grin spreading across his face when Aya willingly followed him. "You’ll never forget someone as important as her. And if by some freak chance something happens to make you do just that, Schu and I will remember her for you." Because of how happy the girl had made Aya, Yohji considered all the memories that Aya had shared about her as very special.

/Do you promise?/ Aya asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes even as his lips curved into a smile.

"Anything for you, Ayan." The words came out in a heartfelt moan; so much had changed for Yohji as well, and everything that was good in his new life centered on Aya.

Determined to not let the mood get too serious or to lose this precious free time, Yohji tugged his lover closer to the bed. "In fact, I shall devote the rest of the evening to proving just how much I’m willing to do for you." His grin took on a salacious edge, his heart beating faster when Aya’s smile strengthened.

/Typical Yotan, making things better with sex./

"Hey, I don’t often hear you complaining," Yohji retorted as he sank down on the bed, Aya soon following him and straddling his thighs.

"I’m stubborn, not stupid." Aya’s deep voice was husky from lack of use, sounding so sexy just then that lust almost won out over surprise inside of Yohji. Almost.

Yohji laughed and hugged his lover closer. /You know Schu’s going to be all pissy that he wasn’t here to hear that himself, or that you didn’t say it to him./ Inside, he gloated a little over that fact, still a little jealous that Schu had been Aya’s first lover. Even if Aya had proved that he loved them both equally, that emotion still lingered.

/Better stubborn than an idiot./ Aya gave the hairs on the nape of Yohji’s neck a quick tug. A bit of sadness still lingered, but if there was one thing that the redhead had picked up from him and Schu, it was that one had to embrace life’s pleasures when one could. There was no doubt in Yohji’s mind that Aya would be sad and a bit distant for the next few days, but at least he wouldn’t wallow in misery the way he would had over a year ago. That thought earned him another tug on his hair, this time a lot harder.

Figuring that he better come up with some sort of distraction before he ended up bald, he slid his arms up to Aya’s shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. At first there was a hint of hesitation, before Aya finally let go of the unhappiness he felt long enough to enjoy some pleasure. Knowing that this would just be a temporary ‘fix’ and determined to cheer up his lover as much as possible the next few days, Yohji did not let that hesitancy deter him.

Aya’s shirt was soon pulled off and dropped to the floor, followed by Yohji’s t-shirt as well. So much bare skin to touch and kiss made the link between them even stronger, Yohji’s power entwining with Aya’s, almost merging their thoughts and emotions. There was an odd ‘echo’ to the mental contact, a space that usually was filled by Schu, but there was also a joy at being able to focus on each other like this.

Falling back onto the bed, Yohji groaned as Aya removed his jeans with an efficiency that was greatly admired for all of ten seconds, at which point he instead admired the graceful way his too sexy for words lover shed the cotton pants and rejoined him on the bed. He reached for and stroked his hands along pale skin, reveling in being able to touch Aya like this, to feel his emotions so intensely and know he was the cause for that joy and love.

Aya settled on top of him, a teasing presence of cool skin and hair, of wet, warm lips and calloused fingertips. The passion built between then, fueled by their desires and needs, a kaleidoscope of images in their minds of how to best please each other. They gave their bodies so freely to each other that there was little they had not done by now, and what Yohji wanted then was not some contortionist position or outlandish use of props. He just wanted Aya, wanted to show how much he loved and cherished him, wanted to make him feel as good as possible.

/Thank you, Yotan./ Gratitude and love washed into him, and an echo of his own sentiment. United in their wants, Yohji sat up on the bed, his left hand fumbling for the lube stashed beneath one of the pillows while Aya once more straddled his lap. Oh hell, but did it feel good, Aya’s body wrapping around his own, his fingers stroking up and down Aya’s back and brushing against the ends of his hair. Flexible enough that Yohji swore some sort of god had to be out there and looking after him, Aya snatched up the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers before beginning to prepare himself.

Yohji was torn between kissing his lover’s slightly parted lips and watching Aya’s face just then, his delight and lust flowing over their link and prompting a smile from Aya. He adored the way that Aya slowly bit into his lower lip as he concentrated on making himself ready, and was filled with pride over the thought that what Aya really wanted was not fingers inside of him but Yohji’s cock.

/I told you, anything you want, Sweetie./ Yohji compromised by leaning in to kiss his lover’s neck, not able to watch Aya’s face but able to hear the gasp of pleasure his actions provoked. Aya’s skin was slightly salty and now warm, the taste making Yohji’s tongue tingle as he licked a path up to his lover’s chin. Feeling the effects of his actions over his link, he shuddered in pleasure and lost himself even more into the sensations. Anymore, what *he* felt was not enough, was not nearly as potent as when his lovers’ emotions and senses were added to his own.

Sighing in relief and anticipation when Aya shifted above his thighs, he rested his hands on his lover’s hips, their desires growing even more intense as Aya slowly lowered himself. Feeling being both penetrated and enveloped, Yohji groaned as he tossed his head back, eyes focused on Aya’s face and expression of need. That emotion was foremost over their link – almost punishing in its strength as Aya sought assurance and sanctuary of sorts in Yohji’s feelings.

/I love you so much,/ Yohji sent, more emotions than words just then as he began to thrust into his love’s body. Aya’s thoughts were an echo of his own, their feelings growing identical as ecstasy built inside of them with each shift of muscle and stroke of hands. Yohji’s fingers tightened on Aya’s hips and he once more sought out his lover’s neck, wanting that salty taste again, to feel the frenetic pulse against his lips and Aya shivering in response.

With each passing second, they became more entwined together, minds almost becoming one entity through love, desire and ecstasy. They happily gave into it, wanting to be as close together as possible, to be assured that they would never be alone again. There was still a bitter hint of sadness, but this time over the lack of Schuldig with them just then, an incompleteness that was like a phantom limb. They were aware that there should be another set of hands stroking and teasing, another mouth kissing and licking, yet they had each other and for now that was enough.

Wonderful heat and friction for them both, inside and outside, gripping them so tightly in contrast to feathery touches that made nerves sizzle and skin twitch. They wanted more and moved to ensure they got it, hands trembling, mouths greedy, bodies in constant motion as they drove together then pulled apart for the briefest of periods, only long and far enough so they could crash back together again, the pleasure spiking higher and higher with each movement. That pleasure was almost destructive in the way it tore through their mental barriers, broke down all the walls that kept their minds apart until they were as connected as their bodies. When that happened, it was pure ecstasy and love, the emotions searing and all-encompassing, the sweetest of addictions that they gave into without any fight.

If Yohji had one complaint about his relationship with Aya and Schu, it was that moments like that could never last long enough. As always, their bodies won out over their emotions and minds, and even if the resulting orgasm was indescribable, as soon as the sensation faded and he was mostly back inside his own head again, he missed it with a sharp pang of loss. One day he would figure out how to hold onto that forever… and then Crawford would be royally pissed off at having three members of his team ‘trapped’ in perpetual bliss.

Sitting slumped on the bed with Aya still in his lap and arms, he chuckled at that thought, and managed a smile when Aya chuckled as well. /Come on, you can just see him trying to hose us down with cold water to snap us out of it, right?/ He was too tired to speak just then, and it always felt better to communicate telepathically after making love, one more way to keep that precious link between them going.

"Hmmm." Aya rubbed the side of his face against Yohji’s left shoulder. /What worries me is once he figures out that we can’t be ‘snapped out of it’, he’ll come up with some way to turn it into his advantage./ There was a dark thought of being put on display, which resulted to a rather painful squeeze to Yohji’s ribs which he did his best to ignore.

/Maybe not./ Yohji sighed and stretched out on the bed, making certain to keep Aya in his arms on the way down. It felt so incredibly good, the contact of so much skin against skin, and his lover seemed at peace once more.

/Because some things we can’t change,/ Aya said, which made him curse himself for a few seconds before he found himself being kissed with a gentleness that made him cradle his lover even closer. /And sometimes, we have to focus on what we have instead of what we’ve lost./

/See, and you insist that Schu and I have been a bad influence on you./ Even as he teased his lover, Yohji was pleased that Aya was learning to put some of the pain of the past aside. There truly was no way to change the past, a feat that none of them with their incredible talents could achieve.

He laughed when he received a slight ‘whap’ for his troubles, yet did not mind the pain in the slightest since Aya now seemed more happy than sad. Oh, he would do his best to keep his lover in bed for the rest of the day, just in case that sadness tried to make a comeback.

Aya snorted and made himself more comfortable against Yohji’s chest. /To think that I always believed Schu to be the biggest pervert./

Playing with the ends of his lover’s hair, Yohji smiled and pressed a kiss against the top of Aya’s head. "That’s pretty silly, since you should know by now that I’m the best at everything." He laughed at the resulting mental whap and hair tug, and knew that he would have a heck of a fight on his hands when Schu came across that memory. Oh yes, that would lead to a few very interesting days as Schu did his best to prove that *he* was the most perverse of them, not Yohji.

/Maybe I can go back to Japan for a few weeks after all…./ Aya did not get a chance to finish that thought, since Yohji took that as a sign that his stubborn lover needed more distracting.

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