Voice

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by nekojita

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Hosaka stomped into his apartment, a little drunk and more than a little frustrated. Yumi had made up some silly excuse and refused his offer to come up for a visit, most likely because of what had happened the last time he’d been here. The fool. He knew that Hosaka loved him, knew he wanted him, and still acted all hurt and outraged whenever he dared to broach the subject.

He tossed his keys in the vicinity of the kitchen counter and heard the jangle of metal striking ceramic tiles, shrugged out of his fur jacket and let it drop to the floor as he made his way to the couch. Flopping onto the furniture, he cursed and yanked off his sunglasses. His hand clenched around them for a second before falling onto soft cushions and something hard. Dropping the sunglasses, he picked up the hard object and stared at the remote for his stereo.

With a heavy sigh, he rested his head against the back of the couch and pushed a button. Soft music – an American band whose lead singer’s voice was smooth and deep, just worn enough around the edges to fit the sad song currently playing – filled the apartment and helped him to relax a little. At least until he remembered playing this cd for Yumi, of his friend sitting beside him and smiling happily as he figured out the foreign words to the songs. Yumi-chan had such a dreamy smile on his face, and his eyes had drifted shut as he concentrated, his right hand waving slightly to the beat. For a moment Hosaka could almost feel his friend sitting beside him, could almost smell him. That one taste he’d had….

He groaned as he closed his eyes. Dammit. Why did Yumi do this to him? How could he keep on being friendly, happy Kurokawa with *him*, a lovely man who liked everyone and did his best to keep his friends from being sad – everybody but *him*, that was. Yumi didn’t seem to care that he was going insane from always being so near and yet not near enough. He *wanted* so damn badly….

With another curse he punched the remote button again, unwilling to listen to the music cd anymore. He hit the button again, and again, flipping through the cd tray as he searched for one in particular. The sudden sound of Yumi’s moans drew one from him, and he turned up the volume a little before dropping the remote, his hand settling in his lap.

"Ah! Hisaka-san… oh! Oh please, ple~ase…." Yumi’s voice, a touch higher than normal, but thick with passion and need. He remembered the exquisite torture of recording this cd while standing next to his love, barely an arm’s length away. Remembered how Yumi closed his eyes as he moaned, the way they would always drift open so languidly whenever he spoke his lines, how they would look at him for a moment and then shift away, the tiniest hint of blush spreading across Yumi’s lovely face.

"You’re mine now, Tatsu-kun. Only mine. I’m never letting you go, never letting another man touch you ever again." His own voice growled the trite words with a roughness that had prevented Yumi’s eyes from sliding away from his for a few seconds, had made the faint blush even brighter. After that, Yumi had stared at his script for the remainder of the recording session.

"No, Hisaka-san. Only… oh-only yours. Ah! Oh, oh yes. More, Hisaka-san, *please*." It was so easy to hear ‘Hosaka’ instead of ‘Hisaka’, to imagine that Yumi was right beside him while saying the words. His eyes still closed, he tugged at the button of his jeans, impatiently pulled the zipper down over his growing erection, and all the while Yumi whimpered and pleaded in the background.

He’d been awed the first time he’d worked with the renowned Kurokawa-san, had been surprised at how someone so famous was so kind and caring. He’d been careful not to show those emotions though, nor his joy when Kurokawa-san had taken him in, had become his sempai. He’d always made it a point to work whenever he could with his friend, even agreeing to Boys Love recordings, something he’d never been interested in. But to stand there and hear Kurokawa-san talk to him with that beautiful voice, to hear him tell him how much he wanted him…. His feelings had continued to grow from that point on, to become stronger and stronger until he realized he was in love.

"Tell me, Tatsu-kun. Tell me how you feel."

"Love… you, Hisaka-san. Love - ah!"

"Tell me, Yumi," he murmured as his hand slid inside his briefs and freed his hard, aching cock. "Tell me the truth." Yumi had avoided doing just that since his confession, had never said one way or another how he felt. Had only said he didn’t want to lose their friendship. The fool, one too afraid to take a chance on making things better, on creating something even stronger than their current friendship. He knew Yumi was lonely and too gun-shy about romance to take a chance on being burned again, on falling in love with someone who was only interested in a created character. The fucking bitch he’d married had done too good of a job of breaking his heart.

"Hisaka-san… *sob* you… you… feels soooo good."

Yes, it did, he thought dazedly as he stroked himself, imagining it was Yumi’s hand on his cock. It felt so incredibly good, and could only get better. He loved Yumi, loved him for himself and would never hurt him. He’d treat Yumi right, would take as good as care of him as Yumi did for everyone else. He’d make him happy, would be hard-pressed not to keep his love in bed all damn day and feed him until he stopped being so skinny. No one else had ever made him feel this desperate a need to take care of them. But Yumi refused all his attempts to do just that and kept him at arm’s length with jokes and denial. Yumi refused to acknowledge the truth.

"Fucking bitch," he cursed out loud as he thought again about why that was true. "He was right there in front of you the entire time, and you wanted a damn cartoon character instead." Because of her, he so very badly needed Yumi - and was left only with Kurokawa. It was so fucking unfair.

"Please, Hisaka-san… I… I can’t… ah…*moan* too much… ooohhhh."

*grunt* "Mine, Tatsu-kun. Want… every… last bit… ah… of you."

His hand moved faster and faster, aided by the precome that made his flesh slick. His hips thrust forward as he imagined it was Yumi’s body tightly around him, that he was wringing the moans and pleas from his lover with each deep drive into that beautiful body. He knew how Yumi would sound as he plunged forward, knew how Yumi would look with his cheeks flushed and eyes closed, head lolling backward. Knew how Yumi’s mouth would round slightly as he gasped, how his teeth would bite lightly into his bottom lip as he moaned. He knew Yumi’s taste and scent, was only missing how it would be to put it all together with the man he loved naked and astride him, wrapped around him and held tightly in his own arms. But his imagination strove to provide that image as he rocked his hips forward – and did too good of a job.

"Hisaka-san…so big, Hisaka-san. *sob* I… oh…."

//Hosaka-kun…. Please, I want this, I want you. I love you, Hosaka-kun.// Yumi moaned as he arched his neck, his eyes tightly shut and tears leaking out the one corner as Hosaka’s hand pulled his hips downward.

"I only want you, Yumi-chan," he groaned as he leaned forward, his lips against Yumi’s reddened cheek, catching the tear on his tongue. His left hand curled into the damp hair at the back of his lover’s neck, brought Yumi’s face closer to his for a kiss as he plunged in even deeper and felt tight velvet heat encase him completely. His right hand grasped Yumi’s cock and pumped it slowly, felt it twitch as Yumi cried out his name and arched his back.

//Hosaka!// Yumi gasped as he came, his body constricting around his cock and plunging him over the edge of pleasure and into bliss. It was just too much to hear Yumi cry out his name like that, to see his lover give in to the pleasure they created. He shouted Yumi’s name as he came violently, body wracked with ecstasy.

"Hisaka-san…. That…."

"Shhhh, Tatsu-kun. I know. I know."

He came crashing back into reality, back to where there was no Yumi, just Kurokawa’s drained voice playing on his stereo system and his own hand around his softening cock. It had been so real that time, so satisfying yet empty. He still didn’t have Yumi, was still here by himself while his love sat in that tiny apartment and worried about money. It just wasn’t fair.

He heard his own voice start talking about how ‘he’ and Tatsu-kun were so happy now that they’d finally admitted their feelings and acted upon them. Jealousy burned through him for a moment, directed toward his own character. To have what he wanted so badly….

Cursing softly, he pulled off his jersey and used it to clean himself, and then grabbed the remote. He put the music back on, unable to bear listening to Yumi’s soft voice stutter out another proclamation of love to ‘Hisaka-san’. What he wouldn’t give to make it real. His confession had gained him some precious closeness with Yumi, but nowhere near enough. That was so damn frustrating.

Grumbling a little about why for once life couldn’t imitate art, he straightened up his briefs and jeans and stretched out on the couch, his left arm resting over his eyes. Life simply wasn’t fair. But, he’d see Yumi in the morning, would spend the day with him working on the new project and then somehow manage to talk him into going out for drinks again, even offering to pay if he had to. He’d keep working on the stubborn fool, and one of these days Yumi would have to realize he was serious, that his emotions weren’t ‘fickle’. Then he could keep his love in bed all damn day, stuff him full of food and punch that dumbass Kokubu for daring to make big eyes at his lover. Yumi would be his.

He had Yumi’s friendship, Yumi’s concern. He knew if he ever needed something other than a ‘real’ relationship that Yumi would do whatever he could to provide it. Hell, he even had Yumi’s wonderful voice to listen to each night. He had to stay strong until the time came when he had Yumi himself here, never to leave again. Just a little more time…. If there was any way that he was better than the great Kurokawa-san, it was the fact that he could be even more determined. Yumi didn’t stand a chance, he thought as he smiled slightly. Now just to beat that fact into the stubborn fool’s head.

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